Fantasy Tryouts

You can be as serious or as goof-ballish as you want with the answers. If you die in any of the scenarios: please stop where you are and post. Unless, of course, you were raised by an evil sorcerer of necromancer. In which case continue as such.


1. You’re traveling through a forest terrain and come upon an old temple ruin. Since fantasy goers are usually curious beings, you decide to check it out. Inside, magical shields guard the treasury where piles of gold and precious gems are kept. Upon the wall is an ancient sword, engraved with magical words. What do you do?

Like most fantasy adventurers, I carry an heirloom that has magical powers previously unknown to me. So, as I approach the magical shields, my heirloom amulet activates and shuts them out, after shining brightly and causing me to wonder what the heck I did to become radioactive. Unfortunately for me, it also dismantled the shields that allowed the ruin to be structurally sound. So, as the ruin starts to become more... ruinous... I dash into the center, stuff my bags and person with as much treasure as I possibly can, and begin to leave. But, seeing such a pretty sword on the wall, I decide I simply [i] have [/i] to have it, and so grab it. Which activates another trap and ancient dead guys are reanimated to come and kill me to protect their fancy-smancy sword, but fortunately for me, they are crushed by falling material as I escape with only minor scratches.


2. As you leave the ruins, a team of bandits ambush you! You fight for your life and in the end…

Still laden with jewels, I try to persuade them to go back into the quickly disappearing ruin. Failing that, I whip out my fancy new sword. Lo and behold, it's actually made to work with my amulet (what are the chances?)! So, my new sword becomes very light while retaining its sharpness and balance, and also seems to now be made of light. Cackling, I quickly dispatch the bandits by cutting their hamstrings and killing one by accidently throwing him against a rock. I have now won, and take their best horse for my own as I leave them to their fate in the middle of this forsaken forest.


3. Having left the ruins and bandits behind, you continue through the forest until you come upon a city. It’s gates are open and you waltz right in (literally, if you prefer). Inside the town, you find the castle and buildings of assorted homes and shops. You walk into a shop, what do you buy?

Well, first I buy a spiffy new sheath for my sword, because a lot of people have been staring at it o_o That and it stays prettier this way Next, I reshoe my stolen horse and buy it really nice and embroidered saddlebags to flaunt and store my new wealth, and then buy it a bag of carrots. And food for me, of course. I like food, and it's kind of necessary on the road. My next purchase is a new set of clothes and light armor for myself, easy to move and breathe in. And good for that wonderful state of not-dead.
Last, I buy a chinchilla.


4. Leaving the store with your items, you decide you want to visit the king. He welcomes you and asks what it is you want. What do you want?

I stare him in the face, paying no heed to courtly procedures. I ask, "Anything?" and after squirming for a moment, he affirms it. "Then... I want my pon--err, horse to be enchanted by the magical folk I know lurk somewhere in here so that it is crazy fast and invulnerable. And I want my chinchilla here to gain the ability to speak and be extremely wise," watching the king's face grow increasingly pale, I continue with glee. "I also want a cottage on the outskirts of the village filled with tasteful books, also being clean, sturdy, and magically warded; and a garden of multicolored flowers that never fade, even in winter. Also, I want brownies."


5. The king says he will help you if he can. You are then given what you have asked for and shooed out. Upon being outside the gates, your hero/villain/neutral sense tells you you should move on. And so, you leave the city for the unknown. Several days travel leads you to said unknown where you find two elves, traveling into another part of the unknown. They stop as they see you. One turns to the other and says “Let’s eat him.” Unfortunately, you find that you have run into the only clan of cannibal elves in the unknown. How do you escape?

Contemplating fleeing on my lightning-fast horse, I stare for a moment and say, "Hmm. They really DO have pointy ears!" That halts them in their steps, wondering how anyone can be so.... touched in the head as to remark on racial assumptions when confronted with death. Taking advantage of their confusion, I drop down, unsheath my lightsword, and lop off their heads. "And now, the flesh of the people is safe! Haha!"
My chinchilla, who has by now been named Cheese, tells me through telepathy (his granted form of speech, as apparently the vocal chords of chinchillas are unable to produce human noises- who woulda thunk?) that I am, in fact, an idiot. I smile and shut him up with a brownie.


6. Having escaped the elves' deathly clutches, you decide it is time to go back to the known. Where you find a dragon pillaging and setting to fire the village. As you hurry to defend them, your sword sings with justice to be done. The dragon races at you and you…

I run up to the dragon and, with my superior knowledge of myths and advice from Cheese, manage to calm down the irate dragon. I learn that some of the people in the village have started stealing parts of her horde, and thouroughly admonish the crowd. The perpetrators rush up with the stolen goods in order to save their village, and I verbally berate them more for not doing it earlier. In revenge, the dragon blinds them and stalks out of the village, but not before promising to come to my aid whenever necessary.


7. The dragon is defeated and you are proclaimed a hero/heroine. There are no more threats to the village, so where else do you go but back to the city with the gracious king? When you arrive, you find that the king has been murdered and you are suspected. Oh no! How do you get out of this one?

I stare at them and ask if they're on something. Apparently, it wasn't the right answer, and I'm thrown into jail. But never fear, for the village then hears of my dealings with the dragon, and realize that not only was it impossible for me to murder their king as I was somewhere else, but I'm obviously an outstanding adventurer. That, and they really don't want to mess with the friend of a dragon.


8. Having cleared yourself of guilt, you decide it best to settle down. Adventuring is too fraught with danger and disappointment. You find a house on the west side of town and live happily ever after, don’t you?

Nope, I don't. Because I retire to my little cottage on the outskirts of the village, where Cheese and I excitedly read all the books in the house. But I grow dissatisfied with endless reading and take up my sword once again, wandering the wide world with Cheese and my enchanted horse for many years to come.

9. You're it!:


And anyone else who wants to have fun